The Fear of Commitment


I want to get a little personal just for a moment…

This past week has been a real dozy for me. Spring Session of College at UMUC Asia is back in and I am taking two Upper Level courses, Nola has been sick and my confidence in my commitment and my ability to see my “LRW Challenge” through have been wavering. I am pretty sure that Nola being sick has been the biggest culprit of my stress. For some reason I can take on the weight of the world and be limping along just fine BUT let me kid get sick and all of a sudden everything feels unbalanced. AS if the shifting of the weight will crush me where I stand.

This deployment is almost over… my husband…my best friend… will be home and I will be able to… well, just LIVE happier. For the most part I try not to focus on the fact that he is in Afghanistan and that there will be days at a time I don’t hear from him and then there will be times where weeks will pass and I won’t hear from him – this is all par for the course of a deployment. Even though these realities are the ones I try to ignore I can’t deny that they play a part in the over all stress level of my life at this moment in time. It’s like there is this constant background music that I can’t put my finger on but because it’s always playing I can’t exactly focus. It’s this background noise that keeps me constantly distracted, constantly on guard, and always less rested than I wish I were. This is where running comes in! I realized months ago that when I was out for a run that “background music” was gone. That constant static was nowhere and the only sounds I hear are my breath, and my feet on the pavement.

I emailed Jeanne to let her know that I was physically feeling great but mentally feeling wishy washy over my commitment. Thankfully she reminded me “Remember, this is a journey, not a 50m race.” This and other great mind focusing things really brought my picture back into focus. This IS a process and sometimes YES a painful one but regardless I need to take it one day at a time. It’s good to look behind me occasionally to recognize the gains I have made (where I started to where I am now – also suggested by my awesome trainer!).

But I digress…Back to reality…

This week overall (physically) has been GREAT. I am finally NOT in pain and also finally NOT feeling completely whipped after a workout session or run. I finally am starting to feel like I have the energy that I used to (pre-baby) and that it is time to start incorporating more then running and Jeanne days – so next week I plan on getting my Yoga on! I used to live for Yoga and I can’t wait to incorporate it into my routine again. So Mon/Wed Yoga is offered at the same time I have my COOP window – LUCKY (insert Napoleon Dynamite voice here)!

I never did get that massage because of Nola being under the weather so it has been rescheduled for next week. I’ll be sure and take pictures of the setup at the gym.

Today was cross training day but Nola was still sick so I knew taking her to the COOP was out and after talking w. a nurse at the Naval Hospital I knew that keeping her in was the best idea. Luckily for me Jeanne is always here for me and offered me direction via email on how to handle this XT-ing day at home.

So here is what I did (this is taken directly from my recap email to Jeanne):

Active Warm-Up w. stretching

4 sets 25 jumping jacks in 25 sec w/ 25 sec rests in between

50 good mornings

3 plank holds for 60 sec each w/ a 60 sec rest in between

The Workout:

5 rounds of 20 sit-ups, squats, and push-ups in 13:31

the push-ups definitely slowed me way down. I was keeping form but definitely suffering in my ability to do them quickly. Broke a good sweat and was breathing heavy the entire time!

Jeanne’s goal time for me was 10minutes for the Workout section but I didn’t make it. I used to think that a person could literally do anything for a minute and then I did Pilate Planks… yeah 60 sec. of those hurt! Plus I video recorded my workout so I could watch my form and on Plank #3 my shoulders were definitely sloppy. The push-ups are very hard and pretty much leave me w/ jello arms after I do them… Jeanne requires me to touch all the way down – like my entire torso and thighs to touch the ground and then back up – that is ONE! The situps don’t seem bad at first but after so many I realized that I needed the support of the bottom of my couch to keep my feet from wanting to flip up in the air. Overall – I had a good workout – total time was about 45minutes and that is not including my cool down stretching. I stopped the timer after my last set of the 20’s.

I am trying to add more protein into my diet and am hoping that by the time Monday rolls around I will not feel so gassy or sluggish!


So RW has this RW Challenge they started (last year I think) and it has really gotten popular – so I watched a few YouTube videos and got inspired (this was a few months ago) and today I decided – “Hey, since I’m calling my blog “RW Challenge” and basically doing my own thing let me just sign up through them and track my progress there too…” Well, a few clicks later and I realize that it costs – and it’s not cheap. $130 for the RW Marathon Challenge…they want you to sign up, pay and then you will receive a marathon-training plan, T-shirt, weekly emails, and nutrition information.

WHAT?! I just want to throw this out there – I bought their Road Race Guide that has all of this info in it (minus emails and t-shirts) for $5 off of Amazon. I signed up for their emails for free and I’m sure there is a way to get a RW t-shirt for less than $130. I’m a little confused as to why there are so many people paying this price when you can really get the same info and train for way cheaper then their challenge price.

I love Runner’s World – so please don’t misunderstand – I am not criticizing them but simply stating the obvious. They sell all you need to know about their methods of training in any number of books on the market right now. I was just disappointed that I wouldn’t be able to actually sign on for the marathon challenge “officially” w.out paying $130.


4 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Army Blogger Wife
    Jan 29, 2011 @ 14:05:57

    I totally get it. My husband is in Afghanistan too, and I am training for several tri’s this year and a marathon in the fall. This is our 5th year long tour. I’m tired.


  2. Paige Smith
    Jan 30, 2011 @ 01:04:59

    Sarah! Hi! I’ve been reading a lot of your posts and they are great! But this one especially stuck out for me. The way you described deployment with the “background noise” is so accurate. Ive always been a runner, but during deployment it was crucial. It was like I could just pound the pavement with my emotions and shake them free for just a short while. It was extremely therapeutic. Thanks for sharing your personal feelings and experiences!


    • Living Runner's World
      Jan 30, 2011 @ 07:55:06

      It is so wonderful to hear from you Paige! I keep up with your blog as well, love the pictures of your kids and all the other families you take portraits of. Thank you for taking the time to let me know you could relate to this. Sometimes deployments (especially living overseas) can feel isolating. It’s like you see everyone else living everyday just as normal as can be and I’m just there watching from the outside. Please keep in touch!


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